Hypocrate if ever there was one... maybe.

A friend of mine once spoke about how many religious people are hypocritical in that they "attend church on Sunday thinking about who they are going to fuck on Monday." I agreed that it happens and that those are hypocrites. But after thinking about it, maybe the hypocrites are the ones trying to look pius all the while not having their heart in it. I would be the complete opposite, in the past at least.

I'm not sure what the hell I am trying to get to, but I know it isn't coming out right. Religion may teach one thing, but faith fluctuates. The real test, I suppose, is to see who can get themselves to church, despite knowing they are a poor excuse for a human being, or perhaps the most precise definition of one. If it was so easy, everyone would do it.

Maybe I'm not a hypocrite because I don't sit in church on Sunday to ever think such thoughts. The last Mass I went to in the last year or two was Anne's funeral. I missed some Masses in college, but nothing even close to this magnitude. All I know is that the shame and guilt were like cinderblocks weighing me down while trying to swim to the air above. I'm getting good at not caring anymore.

So, color me a hypocrite, but at least I'm trying. It's always a battle.