stuck

Yeah. I'm not sure if things are getting worse or if things are getting better. Ironically enough, one way to urge someone to resolve their ambivalence is to make it worse. Well, that much I have succeeded in doing.

I wake up in the morning, I drive to work. I'm at work and I don't think about this stuff too much. Or, as in most cases, I decide that I'm strictly a person that does not do the things I am contemplating, and therefore don't worry as much because I know I ultimately can't bring myself to do certain things. My guilt would kill me.

Or would it?

I come home at night and it's usually the same. Do some work, then start planning some fun. All the while, wondering how much more of this I can take. I have a feeling that either decision is not going to be the totally correct one.

The funny part is that I know what my motivations for this are, and they would sound less than mature to anyone else. But, no one lived in my shoes other than me, so no one else will get it totally. Damn, this is so something I could have talked to Anne about.