Jeremy again- Not bad

Jeremy- I like this pic the best (and it was *his* 21st bday party)

For some strange reason, this seems to depict my recent moods perfectly. And yeah, it's really a dead fish.

Update on kitty

There *is* something wrong with her. I suppose that this is better news. She has an overactive thyroid, causing her gizzards to run much faster than they should. This is taxing her heart and has caused some liver damage. Now we have to give her two pills a day, one in the morning, one in the evening. She's still as fiesty as ever. She was recently invited to be the guest black cat at a halloween gathering. She didn't make an appearance though, because of the ride. To say she has an anxiety attack would be gravely misunderestimating its affect on her. She vomits, hyperventilates, rips apart her claws trying to get out of the carrier, defecates, and is just all around not a happy camper. Awww. Poor little beast.

my cat is sicker than I thought

So, kitty went to the vet today. A traumatic experience for everyone involved, trust me. She did her usual puking, hyperventilating, ripping her nails apart, speaking in tongues and all that.. but it turns out that I got a bit of bad news. Kitty has a heart murmur. I do too. Kitty has unexplainable spots in her chest, which, shown on an x-ray, are bright and have never been seen before- by *any* of the vets. Kitty has a fast heartbeat. Again, another scenerio with which I am familiar. However, her heart valves are wearing out because she "strains" herself on top of already pushing her heart to do double duty. That means she is going to die sooner. Kitty also likely has either diabetes or a thyroid problem. She had blood taken, results for that are pending. She went in for possible constipation. I'm sad.

LINKS

Anne

Lisa

A hard butt and a good man

Both are elusive to me. Sometimes I wish I wasn't so quickly disillusioned with guys. Seems like all the fun is in nabbing them. Although, that usually isn't the problem. Sometimes, but not usually. I'm not playing games. When I'm "done" with one of them, that's it. Is it too much to ask that my knight in shining armor just lands in my lap? Although, it would help if he was riding his gallant steed, so that I could pick him out easier. No mistaking if he lands in my lap WITH the horse. I hate drama and these days I'm doubting I'll ever meet "the one". Oh, and by the way, I don't hate all guys. Most, heh, probably.. until they prove themselves as non-assholes. Not ALL though. I know more than one guy that's quality. It's when they start acting like asses that I hate them. Petty shit I hate. Jealousy I hate. Drama (especially man-drama) I hate. I can't even explain the loathing the boils up in me when I hear of something unjust that a guy has done or said. I naturally distrust them. I have no tolerance for their stupidity whatsoever.. and that probably comes from my father. I'm.... not particularly fond of my father in so, so many ways. Between him and my mother, I really believe that I'm messed up relationship wise. I never was shown what a healthy marriage or a healthy relationship was. Never. The warzone that I grew up in no child should have to suffer. It was my nightmare. When I went to sleep, at least I had a chance of having a nice dream. Their wars definitely affected me profoundly. No one knows how bad it was. Anyways.. off topic.

I've been getting bogged down more lately than usual with my thoughts. Bloody brain.

And, since I'm complaining, I also wish I had a hard ass. I hate this jiggly shit. I want to be able to bounce a quarter off my toosh and take someone's eye out on the rebound. Life is so not fair.

Stagnation

Driving home from work, I get off the highway and nearly ran over a little doggie. I pull over because this is an extremely high traffic area and I don't want the lil' bugger to get hit. Well, it was apparent that he was abused because of how he reacted. By the way he was eating, it was obvious he was hungry. He was a beagle, on the smaller side, didn't look full grown, but maybe, had it been a female. It was def. not a female. He growled at me a few times, and, heh.. instead of barking, he howled at me about 4 times. I found that quite amusing! Anyways, he was just trusting me when something overcame him and he crossed the road, near the onramp in the other direction. Someone ended up stopping, trying to do the same thing- get their paws on him to see who he belonged to, or take him home, whatever. He had a collar on. The other people asked me if he was mine, I said no, and they carried on their efforts on the other side of the road. They were pushing him too fast, but they must have had time, and something for him to eat, apparently. After a while and a bunch of mosquitos later, I took off. When I got home, I checked the paper, but didn't see anything missing that came close to his description, so, let go and let God, I guess.

Was told a funny quote today by Sara: "I never met anyone as young as you be as crazy as me." I took it as a compliment. She'd make a fun mother in law and her son is reaaaaaaaaaally hot, but taken. Always that way. Gay or taken, or both. I sometimes wonder why I even try with guys these days, I've certainly got enough issues with them that I doubt much would develop. Maybe I'm selling myself short. Maybe I know it's easier to just not bother than to try and fix my screwed up thoughts about guys and sex. Trying to work on all that, but it's slow coming.
What do you do when what you think will help you is likely to mess you up in another way badly? Part of me wants to express this stuff, but there's a part of me that doesn't want to, for more than one reason. There's also another part that would talk about this to certain people and not others, or more precisely, would talk about it in different ways. And of course, Libido at full throttle. GRR! I'm stuck for the time being.

A gift

Apparently I am impressing some of the counselors at my internship. Don't ask me how, I'm at a loss for that answer myself. I've not done or said very much, but yet was told by one of the counselors that I "have a gift." That was certainly the highlight of my week. Not sure if I would have said "gift", maybe talent, but gift? That carries a lot of weight. It was also nice to see Lisa again, I'm glad she had fun in the city. It's much more depressing at work without her; smiling is much easier when she is around.

This weekend will be Bear Mountain again. Maybe I'll get some good pictures.