Splint this!

Well, work went fairly well this week. Current boss wasn't there Thursday, group was ok, and I was off all but two days. Today was a pain, though. CPR, first aid, AED training = 8.5 hours of doing the same damn thing over and over. The fun part was when I got all bandaged up. Hell, I felt sorry for myself! Ah, ok. That was my attempt at enthusiasm. I don't think it worked.... {Oh no, there's the pessimism again! Wait, that's not pessimism, that's realism! Oh shoot, my inability to accept the prevelence of negativity in my life must mean that I am in denial. But if I recognize the denial, am I still suffering from it?!} Yes, yes, and around we go. Sometimes I think I hold myself accountable for feeling "happy" when I believe as though I shouldn't be, or have no reason to be. All of this because I feel as though I am somehow putting on a front, but am I really? That may make absolutely no sense at all, but it made perfect sense the first time I read it. Now I am not so sure. Even I am not as blind as to not see fault with such reasoning. Pushing the blatant aside, I don't even think I can label "happiness". 24 years old and I can remember feeling true contentment only once in more than a decade. Argh! Now I am criticizing myself for feeling bad. Bloody buggery! Sometimes I'm amazed at all I have overcome by no other human strength than my own. Then I realize that my life isn't over yet and there must be some ridiculous trials ahead of me. However, it's all for the best in the end. I'm nothing like I was and very pleased with the transformation thus far... I think.